해인 (the essay that turned into a blog)

I just got a tattoo last night.  It’s the Korean syllables “해인” meaning literally “together people”, but translated more formally “together with us.”  My students gave me this name resembling my teaching and being with them for two years.  But I didn’t get these forever markings as just a nice symbol of my time here, although that would work just as well.  But in my studies and living over the years, I’ve learned how richly integral is the concept of Presence for an understanding of our faith and particularly for mission.  I remember people critiquing me going to seminary because it would interfere with real mission and action.  Then one semester in at Covenant, I get this job in South Korea, teaching Bible to middle and high school students.  Seminary essentially sent me here, and without my presence there I could not have my presence here at my favorite Korean coffee shopped owned by my dear friend, writing this essay about the last book I read “The Mission of God’s People” by Christopher Wright.  Wright beautifully explains with great conviction and sincerity, the importance of reading the whole Bible discerning the implications of God’s redemptive mission of the world for his people “whom God has loved, chosen, called, redeemed, shaped and sent into the world in the name of Christ.”  He does this in a way that integrates the biblical story of the Bible theologically and practically boldly asserting that “No theology without missional impact; no mission without theological foundations.”       

From Genesis to Revelation, the story of the Bible is about God and his continual pursuit of perfect Presence with his people.  In the beginning God made a perfect world with people who could reflect his image together with him in perfect dwelling and presence, 해인.  People were made right at the beginning for worship, and to do justice for all creation even the nonhuman, “speaking for those who couldn’t help themselves.”  In other words, in the beginning there was stewardship as mission and image bearing.  But this togetherness was marred, broken, and tainted by sin.  It is not God who’s to blame for the poverty, sickness and death in the world.  It really wasn’t even primarily the devil’s, for the world was still good even when the serpent was performing his craftiness on Eve.  The world fell on man’s call, and his only.  From this, the good and perfect 해인 could no longer work the same.  

But God kept the pursuit.  Though Noah and the Patriarchs he established a covenant of blessing, protection, prosperity, and most importantly his promise of presence with them.  “The call of Abraham is the beginning of God’s answer to the evil of human hearts, the strife of nations, and the groaning brokenness of his whole creation.  It is the beginning of the mission of God and the mission of God’s people.”  He was able to allow his people to grow in large numbers in Egypt so that in the most astounding and pivotal story in the Old Testament, he could redeem them, “buy them back” by conquering Pharoah and his gods.  The Exodus not only saved Israel from slavery but it brought political, social, and also spiritual redemption from Pharoah’s world.  This means that God’s mission as well as ours for the world covers every aspect of human need.  This is a God who saved Israel and us not just “to freedom but to covenant.”  This is a God who desires Presence, Community, 해인 with his people.  

Through the law, Israel could know their mission.  “It is a distorted idea to think in the Old Testament they were saved by the law and then in the New Testament it is saved by grace.”  Israel was already delivered.  Following the law was not just a pios order of righteousness, but a graceful action of blessing to show the nations who this God is, so that they may know him too!  God’s mission has always been cosmic, because the whole earth belongs to him.  Therefore, “We are the people of God redeemed from past sin, and whom God is working to bring blessing to all nations.”  Since Abraham’s mission out of Babel, Israel’s calling was global, “a light to all nations” so that everyone may be curious about this God who wants to dwell with them.  As God’s representatives, Israel was called to holiness as an identity and action.  Obedience must be a necessary response to grace.  If we are not showing God’s presence with us through our visible faith and lifestyle, how will people desire to see who this God his?  

We know Israel failed, just like we do in this graceful covenant and our daily mission.  And the judges, kings and prophets delivered God’s message of mission, failed and delivered again.  But God kept his pursuit of 해인.  “There is no plan B.  Israel is God’s servant for God’s purpose, glory and mission.”  God’s mission will continue, as did Israel’s, and as will ours.  “The mission of God’s people is not a matter of how great we are at doing things for God, but a matter of how patient and persistent God is in doing things through us.”

And as we know, God kept pursuing this redemption, and keeps his promise.  This time of the year we remember it more than ever.  This God did an act of pursuit we would have never predicted.  He came down to us, to live, to die, to act, to dwell.  “The Incarnation brings God right alongside us in our struggle and calls us to embody and be agents of the reign of God, through Christ.”  He came shamefully and left in glory, and remains in glory.  The cross and resurrection give us the hope and power to share true love, hope and peace with the world “seeking the atoning work of God in the most unredeemable places.”  And this presence He’s always wanted was made possible again, as He gave the perfect gift of dwelling we could imagine: His presence forever, his Holy Spirit that guides us and gives us true transformation to live for him in true mission, 해인.  

So now, here we are, in the third act, the Act of Redemption, awaiting the final Restoration of time, when God purifies this beautiful world he’s made, removes all sin and evil, and renews it for a beautiful city, a New Jerusalem for His people.  해인 will be perfect like it was, but better.  It will be forever, never again to be broken or marred.  It will be all nations, all of creation, and all for God’s glory.  It was always his story and it still is.  It was always his mission of redemption, and it still is.  

So what?  Be who you are.  You are the people of God carrying 해인 with you.  Whether in the church or public marketplace we are to bring salvation and revelation to it with joy, remembering that it is God who created it, redeems it, governs it and calls us to confront the idolatry and sin we find in it and purge it.  The world is not a transient, temporary place.  God plans to redeem all of it, and he calls us to be a part of it with obedience and worship.  

How can this not impact us and call us to worship?  Interestingly, this is where the story will end: with worship.  Today, we can experience how worship affects our hearts.  “We are most fully ourselves as human beings when we are in a relationship with God in which God is glorified in and through our enjoyment of that relationship. Worship is the goal in bringing all nations to glorify God by worshipping trusting and obeying him.”  Worship today can be the best experience of 해인.   

The gospel is so much more than a ‘get out of hell free’ card or a fatalist ‘this world is going to hell so what does it matter’ worldview.  This world matters.  Now matters.  If it didn’t God would not have gone through what he did for 해인.  He would not have entered into our world, for its own saving if it didn’t matter.  We have a responsibility alongside the assurance of God’s sovereignty.    

Maybe I’m a little bit partial because they’re my students.  Maybe I’m taking a mere coincidence out of just two symbols two eighth grade girls decided was my name.  But God spoke clearly to me when I read the words and saw their faces with excitement in the name they gave me.  “This is who you are.  This is your purpose, and I will take you many places with this name.  Places that need to hear I am with them.  I desire 해인 with them.  Go, tell them.”  So in 27 days, the first place I will go as my mission is the U.S.A.  For how long, He only knows, but his presence will never leave wherever I go, and people in every place need to know the story.  Church, this is your mission.  Its everywhere, and it requires your full attention, motivation, obedience and your presence, because your presence is His presence, and his redemption for all.   Merry Christmas

true living

Lord, all i want is You.  and i don't want it through mystical prayer or sweet smells.  and i don't want it by arts and crafts and the pursuit of 'thrifty' or 'organic' or a 'healthy' life.  and i don't want it through romance, passion, and human love.  or through mountains, oceans, or cottages in the woods.  no, not even in an intellectual, theological, or practical job.  or through mourning death or celebrating life.  no, not in the best worship song.  i don't want it through all the unique ministries in the world, nor places in the world i may still go.  or in other tongues and different world views.  or in the best foods or fasting days.  or in the beautiful sunrises and the bright stars found only in the countryside...or in the joys of family, friendship, community, and beloved...

no...none of these, though fair and right. though created for glory and worship and love.  though enjoyed by all and made right in You; though pursued by the lost, the found.  the blind, the sight, the elect, the wolves, the hopeless and hopeful, the love and the alone...

without You, Jesus. true faith. true love. true rest. true Want...its nothing.  its the life for the cynic.  its useless, vain, fleeting.  its for but a moment.  strip it away, and find me a desperate creature.

that's all i want.

what really matters

There's a lot on my mind right now.  Going home in two months.  Need a job and going to finish school.  Leaving here is slowly starting to sink in.  And there's so much more.  But after being in places like this...all I can think is:

"praise the LORD! praise the LORD from the heavens; praise him in the heights!  praise him, all his angels; praise him, all his hosts!  praise him, sun and moon, praise him, all you shining stars!  praise him, you highest heavens, and you waters above the heavens!  let them praise the name of the LORD! for he commanded and they were created.  and he established them forever and ever; he gave a decree, and it shall not pass away.  praise the LORD from all earth, you great sea creatures and all deeps, fire and hail, snow and mist, stormy wind fulfilling his word!  mountains and all hills, fruit trees and all cedars!  beasts and all livestock, creeping things and flying birds!  kings of all earth and all peoples, princes and all rulers of the earth!  young men and maidens together, old men and children!  let them praise the name of the LORD, for his name alone is exalted; his majesty is above earth and heaven.  he has raised up a horn for his people, praise for all his saints, for the people of israel who are near to him.  praise the LORD!" -psalm 148





and my heart just breaks for those who see and experience these same places, and have no connection to their Maker.
                              

                                  "this is an emergency.  there are tears of the saints, for the lost and unsaved.  we're crying for them 'come back home!' Father, we will lead them home." -leeland

"when we wait, we rest."

psalm 37:1-9

"fret not yourself because of evildoers; be not envious of wrongdoers! for they will soon fade like the grass and wither like the green herb.  trust in the LORD, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness.  delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.  commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.  he will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday.  be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!  refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.  for the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the LORD shall inherit the land."

it's hard sometimes living in a country where it is so easy to get by with little effort.  where quality isn't as important as appearance of quality and hard work is only bribed.  its easy to feel cynical.  but how useless!  how sad is a cynic's heart.  frustration, jealousy, anger...how hopeless when abused.  there's a time to be upset, and it is good to be angry at injustice and frustrated with the wicked, but they are not to be abused and worshiped by turning into worry or "fret."

francis chan spells out "worry" and "stress" like this:

"worry implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control. both worry and stress reek of arrogance.  they declare our tendency to forget that we've been forgiven, that our lives here are brief, that we are headed to a place where we won't be lonely, afraid, or hurt ever again, and that in the context of God's strength, our problems are small indeed."

the truth is, it doesn't matter what country you live in or where you work.  some people will always cut corners, and get by with little work.  frustrations and anger are inevitable because this world isn't right.  but to endure, to trust, delight, and commit to the LORD is to truly rest.

i want to be at rest.

this weekend i visited chungju with sweet friends.  i saw the leaves starting to change over the mountains as we rode the ferry on the lake at sunset.  if the consistency of creation's beauty creating awe and a common bond with all the son's of God isn't enough confirmation that restoration will surely come, then i'm not sure what is.

"in just a little while, the wicked will be no more; though you look carefully at his place, he will not be there.  but the meek shall inherit the land and delight themselves in abundant peace...i have been young, and now am old, yet i have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread.  he is ever lending generously, and his children become a blessing.  turn away from evil and do good; so shall you dwell forever.  for the LORD loves justice; he will not forsake his saints.  they are preserved forever, but the children of the wicked shall be cut off.  the righteous shall inherit the land and dwell upon it forever...

mark the blameless and behold the upright, for there is a future for the man of peace."

my pastor said it well this morning. "with waiting comes rest.  do your best to eliminate hurry from your life."

D-76

well summer came and went and another semester began a whole month and a half ago. since then i've been to japan, a few islands, made a new korean friend who is strongly seeking Jesus, and just having a good time. 

in many ways, i wish i was better at finding a flow to things. thats always been my problem with writing.  too fragmented.  too scattered.  like my life. up and down and occasionally in between.  some days i feel so alone and ready to leave and start somewhere new without being alone.  other days i feel attached to the life i made here.

it really is quite remarkable when i think about it.  what has been built since i've been here.  i remember when i first ate korean food.  went to a noraebong.  spoke korean.  found a church.  the Lord has done great things. when i was home this summer i missed this life every day.  when i'm here, i miss the people at home more than anything.  

a friend once told me that we weren't meant to always be uprooted.  because how then can we grow?  she compared me to a tree without roots.  for a while i wondered if she was right.  and in many ways she is.  but i think maybe the more important question is not where to be rooted, but who.

ever since i went to college it seems like i've always been called to a life of transition.  and its been a blessing and a curse.  but i'm not sure the answer is to be rooted necessarily in one place. 

although it is true.  if we aren't rooted somewhere we find our hearts constantly unsatisfied.  constantly torn among worlds, creating worry: the result of serving two masters.  

but there is a place to be rooted.  the only place, person, presence.  one tabernacle, one covenant, one God all together rooted in the name of Christ. he is the only place to build our roots.  some will be called to one place in that name.  some will always be moving.  regardless, without roots in Christ, there will never be growth.  but in him, life is found in abundance and continuity.

when i am distracted from him watering me, i forget who i am and don't grow. instead, i go to other places in my heart. and i worry, put pressure on others and myself especially.  too often i find myself in this place.  but the days i ask the Spirit's guidance by day, hour and minute i see his water again, and remember who i am.  in these moments there are not two worlds, two hearts, two countries, two languages.  there's just him and his covenant and tabernacle with all of us.  

and this is where i want to be truly rooted.  and where i always want to return no matter where i am.

blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he mediates day and night.  he is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither.  in all that he does, he prospers.  the wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away.  therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous; for the LORD knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish. -psalm 1

Seoul Scratches

Well, I guess this is news many will want to hear: I'm not staying another year in South Korea...at least, I'm not staying next year.  They asked me and I said no.  In a lot of ways I really wasn't sure what the right decision was.  I have reasons to not stay and then good reasons to stay.  But whenever I was asked, I couldn't find it in me to say yes.  And I'm at peace with that.  I think I knew that answer all along, but its weird saying it.    This has been my life for the last year and a half and when I leave permanently for two years.  That's a long time.  Maybe not to some, but to me.  Every time I go home I go back to my normal life (without a job that is) before coming here.  My friends, family, lifestyle, interests.  I don't know how I feel about that.  I've learned so much here, but I don't know how to process it in the States.  I don't want to forget.

I can't tell if the last couple of weeks have been confirmation of my decision or just full blown attack.  I feel like everyday I find a reason to be frustrated with the culture I'm living in, particularly the school culture.  It's not the classes or students anymore though, its the overall work environment.  This culture puts more pressure on people than I could have imagined.  It's wicked and oppressive.  And unfortunately, its even at my Christian school.  No matter how hard you work it never feels like it is enough.  Someone always expects you to do more, even after you work a hard, full long day, and there is  little encouragement for this hard work you do.  For those like me who need words of affirmation, this is emotionally exhausting and physically draining.  And every teacher deals with this.
The school owns us.  It dictates and controls what we do.  If there is an event at last minute or announcement your personal time is hardly considered.  You just do it.  Your time is owned by them and everyone knows it.  When you can't stay an extra hour or two after a nine hour day they don't understand.  Why on earth would you have plans after school?  Why would you have a life or another ministry or community?  That's how I feel.  And if I ask questions that challenge the system it's burdensome.  I was even told last week directly and indirectly that sharing my questions is a burden.

When I'm with the students I come alive.  Maybe I'm starting to become a real teacher.  Because every time I'm in the office before and after class, I shut down.

My ninth and tenth graders have to stay at school until eight or nine pm these days.  And some teachers have to stay and supervise them.  Including some with families, like Mrs. Kim, who's family I use to live with.  She hardly sees her kids during the week because she's putting in ten and twelve hour days.  When I asked her about it, she just shook her head like that's just the way it is.  I asked her why the parents can't just help their kids study at home and why they have to be at school.  She said they are trying to help the parents and teach the kids how to study well.  Come on, parents!  What the hell are YOU doing?  How is this a church-school-home community when the school is doing EVERYTHING??  Why is family a secondary priority?  Of course no one would admit this is the case, but look around.  It is.

I thought this was a school trying to be salt and light in the world.  Raising students to be culture changers and effective leaders, not giving in to their oppressive way of life because that's the way it is.  How are we any different?  And how are the students suppose to see that we are different?  I don't think they can.

I know every school, not just in Korea but other countries too have this problem.  I'm sure if I were at any Christian school there would always be something.  And maybe they just think 'we can't do everything' so they just settle to abide by the culture around them in certain ways.  Maybe that's all we can do...

But is that what Jesus taught?  Should we just settle?  Recently, in my life I've been really concerned with the Christian language I hear from myself and those close to me.  It's almost like we'll just do the best we can to scrape by, but since we can't do everything we'll just settle for whatever we can in some cases.  You have a sinful addiction?  Well, it'll probably never really go away so we'll just settle for  'its getting better."  Is this really what we are called to do?  Is this really living by the gospel?

I'm not saying we should strive for perfection.  Believe me, I've tried that for 25 years and that is certainly not the way to go.  But I am saying that we are image bearers, and because of the cross and resurrection we have the hope of true redemption.  This means we don't have to be perfect.  It also means we absolutely cannot ever settle for leftovers or scraping by or "at least I"m not doing x" or "its getting better" or "we can't do everything at our school to submit to the way of Christ."

The way of Christ is narrow.  It's upside down.  It's culture changing.  It's subversive.  Just look at the way he died.  We are not called to settle.

I know I sound really dark lately.  Maybe it's the state of my heart.  My student wrote to me "I have many scratches on my soul these days.  I should go see Jesus the doctor."  I sobbed.  She's right.

In many ways I think I should suck it up and not say a word.  I should honor my leaders right?  And who am I to speak out, when I have so much wrong in my own heart?  Am I just being a baby and overreacting?

Every soul has their scratches.  But those in Him know personally the Physician who is constantly at work healing.  And while he heals our souls, he gives us the power to heal others too.  Maybe what comes with this is turning things upside down for His name's sake.  Let's pray we don't settle for the bare minimum, but always strive for the Kingdom coming through Christ's power, and show those without hope that there is better and He is alive.

i walked

this week i went with my school to Jeju island, South Korea.  it's a beautiful fairly unknown vacation spot rich in culture, tradition, and South Korea's largest mountain, Halla-san volcano.

every year our school goes on a sort of pilgrimage geared towards enriching our community through serving and helping each other as the Body of Christ as we endure our Walk together...
at least...that's my interpretation of it...you know with language barrier us foreigners don't really get the full picture sometimes.

so this year we went to the island with a new walking adventure every day with a theme to motivate the students and teachers to share and endure together, serving each other through Christ's love and strength.

on the first day, we got to Jeju around noon and didn't waste any time after lunch.  we walked on a road that led through forests and countryside for about four hours.  the road we took monday, wednesday and thursday is called Olle road that has about twenty different paths around the island leading you through different courses and types of ground.  i'm not sure which one we took on monday, but the country side was beautiful.

we knew it would rain but we were not sure which days and how much exactly.  of course, the day it rained the most and was cold was Tuesday, the day we climbed Halla-san.  its a 4 hour hike to the top and back down.  by the time we got to the top, they actually had the summit closed due to the heavy rain.  i was so sad because this mountain has a beautiful park with a lake on top that i really wanted to see.  but it was so cold and rainy at that point we didn't even care.  so we climbed back down...for four more hours through the rain and cold.  i'm not going to lie, it was pretty miserable.  but the thing about being a teacher is no matter what you have to be strong or else your students won't be.  you have to be strong for them.  its amazing how much strength God can give when you feel like you absolutely have nothing in you to give. i thought a lot about the purification water brings, and in a way, let it wash me clean of the dirt my heart has harbored for too long.  sometimes when we confess and ask God for change when our hearts are willing, we must first go through a mountain as the rain cleanses us.

wednesday we took Olle road by another mountain, much smaller, but still beautiful.  for about five hours we took this road and the end led to the sea, a beautiful scene indeed.  it rained just enough off and on throughout the day to cool us off from the humidity and there was a nice breeze.

for me thursday was the peak.  we walked Olle roads seven and eight which took us by the ocean and waterfalls, and forests.  of course my pictures don't do justice, but it was so so beautiful.  at one point we were climbing the cliffs on the ocean and could see so far ahead, the islands and mountains.  i'm so proud of my students.  they did so well.  and none of us did it by our strength.  we walked and kept walking.

like shadows and rain and mud, fears, sins, doubts come.
but even when it hurts, we walk.
when there's nothing left, we walk.

the bruises and scars are the evidence of the walk.

cherry blossoms

just shortly after easter the cherry blossoms bloomed white and beaming all around my town and seoul. greenery was all around. spring is here.

and it is fitting that it began after easter. new life. new days. new chances.

but the interesting thing about cherry blossoms is that they are transient. about a week after they bloom, they whither. and its pretty as the petals fall all around, but then its gone.

“surely, we are grass and just as surely we will fade. but the word of the LORD stands forever.”

its amazing how creation emits life. spring blossoms, reminding us that new life is always hopeful. Jesus wins. new life wins. but our mortal lives are transient, like the cherry blossoms. and like the cherry blossoms we will fade too. our lives are but a mist. but the word of the LORD, that is what lasts.

and like the blossoms, there are times of bloom and times of withering. times when joy is overflowing and rich with wisdom. and times when shadow and sorrow toss and separate the petals.

as I read through the prophets these days, I cringe at the utter anguish some of them feel and even bring it before God in question. but there is always at least one sign or glimmer of hope- found in the character and covenant of YHWH. "Jesus you remain, Jesus you will stay."

again, there it is. knowing who He is, and therefore who we are compels action, even when the petals fall. even the when the shadows toss.

if you are interested in some new and refreshing worship, listen to Mike Crawford and the Secret Siblings. there is no way you’ll regret it.

Verse of ponder: “When Jesus saw her [Mary] weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled…he cried out with a loud voice ‘Lazarus, come out.’” john 11:33 and 43

Music: “Isaiah 40” and “Center my Heart” by Mike Crawford and the Secret Siblings

Weekly Ventures: we had our last week at the school for our mid day walk to prepare for Jeju. the cherry blossoms were in bloom and the students were loving it...so were the teachers.

so while that fun was going on i also wrote a paper for my old testament class on Habakkuk. not my best work but good enough.

on thursday i got coffee...well we both got hot chocolate and it was sooo good....with seth martin, a rather unique friend from back home who happens to live in the same area outside of seoul as i do. providence. it is good.

the weekend was dreadful weather wise. but i'm glad because i got to spend time with my dear friend shauna and the lovely dye family, who i cozily relaxed with while the cold windy rain took over our city. during that time we watched star wars, the sound of music, and i finished my third journal since being in korea.

i love all my students. but some of them are just...special. take my 9th and 10th grade boys. the 9th grade all posed, like they're all that and the 10th grade, today, lounge outside reading their essays for writing class. what can i say? i'm not the best teacher, but we do have a good time.

today was one of the first days in a while i felt rejuvenated and becoming more at peace. its been a rocky month, almost robotic like in a sense, and extremely low at others. but i like going near water...where i can tangibly see the signs of life and healing. and remember who i am. creation tells our story well. creation, fall, redemption, the hope of restoration...its everywhere. and i'm glad it sings with us, groans with us, and waits with us, and i'm hopeful that just as spring always comes and the blossoms bloom, so the petals in my soul will birth new once again too, but even when they fall, and even in the shadows now, He still remains, His word doesn't change and I am still His.

A New Land

I realize how terrible i am with this whole blog thing. I know most people have stopped checking because I've stopped writing. i get that. well, i'm going to try starting it up again.

since i've been back several things have changed. i still teach bible to the middle schoolers, but we've changed it up a bit. now we're coteaching where the korean english teachers sit in on my classes and i sit in on theirs. its actually been really really awesome. my days are busier...a lot busier but it is good. i also picked up an advanced composition class for the high schoolers. its not what i expected, but i think its going to be good.

these days classes have been cut 5 minutes because we spend an hour a day walking to prepare for our trip to Jeju at the end of April. we're going to hike the mountain there for four days...all of us. all the teachers and 250 students.

i will climb this mountain.

jeju. be jealous.

outside of school, well, there's more school. i'm enrolled in two online classes at Covenant. one "apologetics and outreach" and "old testament history and theology." both have been fascinating and have taught me a lot. it feels good to be back in school and learning the things i love to learn and flourishing the gifts God has given me. but its definitely busy.

when i'm not working my 50 hour weeks and doing homework, i've been enjoying the pleasant company of my korean and fellow foreigner friends. the time with them can range from having coffee to visiting trick eye museums and coffee shops with sheep. its a good time. i also just started meeting with some people and a korean pastor for a bi weekly informal bible study.

when that all isnt going on, well, i love to spend my alone time hiking the mountain behind my house, reading, and skyping with people as best i can.

of course, intertwined in all of this God is growing david and i's long distance relationship. its been almost 8 months since we'd decided to do this thing. i don't regret a single minute. it hasn't come without hardships and trials. the distance sucks. but its been a beautiful thing to watch both of us growing independently and with each other even though separate. its a part of my life i constantly still cannot believe is mine and real. its too good to be true...except it is true.

those of you reading this who have a relationship with jesus, please keep me in your prayers with all of this. on the surface it may appear that i have the greatest life...i'm not gonna lie...i kinda believe i do. but its not without hard times and it gets very lonely without my dear ones beside me.

being the only foreigner a majority of the time can be exhausting on so many levels. these days, i've found myself experiencing 'culture shock' again. my heart is critical towards these people i am called to love and i'm constantly fighting becoming easily frustrated and irritable on and off the job. i know its a common thing to experience, but i feel really guilty about it and want to get over it fast.

spiritually, God has been teaching me a lot about trust and belief. it is humbling to see yourself asking those you teach to do what you can't. i want to trust and believe what i do not see and what i can't logically control and fit in my analytical box. i'm also struggling with my life long need for perfection. its a terrible sin, i have not yet confessed and repented of. so here i am now, in public, to everyone and obviously before the Lord. i no longer want the burden of perfection on my shoulders. i want to be set free. i'm sorry because in many ways i've burdened so many in my life because of this sin and have kept my guard and distance because of it or worse, i've expected it from others. i want to be free from it and rid of this for good. i know it won't happen completely 100% instantaneously, but i know from this moment it can and will change because the Holy Spirit is that powerful. if perfection is what i aim for jesus didn't die, and that is a terrible offense to what i claim to believe.

ok, well there's my update on the last couple of months overall. here's my last weeks adventures. enjoy.

on one of our mid day walks at school. that's a lot of students.

easter sunday with the dyes. cuddle time with shauna.

the treasures of the easter egg hunt.

a day off of school that involves a cafe with hand drip coffee and sheep.

and the 'trick eye' museum.

and today. a beautiful day to walk around banpo park.

the pictures i didn't take were of gloria and i grading quizzes on a friday night, and our wonderful brunch for bible study at jacob's house. also, my neighbor cecilie went out last night for fries at a 'baby guiness' pub right by our house. unfortunately, i've felt sick all day so i'm not sure they set well....

cheers and enjoy,
lauren

song of the week: "sorrow" by flyleaf
verse: "john 8:31-32 "if you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will se you free."
abide: continuing obedience and trust shows true discipleship. by this you will know truth: by continuing to believe and obey his words which frees from sin.